Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
