We won't sleep together?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
