Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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