apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
