girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
