just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
