So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
