I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
