I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
