I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
