I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
