it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
