Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
