i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.