Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
