I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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