Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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