I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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