hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
