idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
