What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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