i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
