I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize