hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
