that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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