im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
