woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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