i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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