i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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