TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
