come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
