She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
