She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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