The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
