Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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