Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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