I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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