She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
