Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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