I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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