This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
