yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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