What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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