We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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