I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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