Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
