R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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