billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
