I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
