I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Randomize
