My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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