hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
