my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's blow job season.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
