i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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