i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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