If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
