....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
