I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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