Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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