I feel like I'm in dance class right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
