Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
