therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
