hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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