That's when you crack a 10am beer
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
