I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
