that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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