I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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