I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
