It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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