I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
