i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
