and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
