im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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