Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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