I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
