Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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