My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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