If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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