i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
