dude i'm inner monologue high
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
