But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
