You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
