I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
