Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
