I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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