They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
