so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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