you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
